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Heroic Talk Tools
Contributed By Family Tools

A major problem in most troubled relationships is poor communication skills. Learning more effective communication skills is a necessary step in improving such relationships. Even stable and generally healthy relationships can be significantly enhanced with better communication skills for both partners.

This video, Heroic Talk Tools, reviews a number of tools or strategies that can greatly improve a couple's communication. These Talk Tools are also helpful in dealing with children, coworkers, neighbors, and other important relationships.

Our talk "styles" are learned early in life. They are ingrained habits, and it takes work and perseverance to change a bad habit into a new way of doing things. For that reason, we call these Heroic Talk Tools, because it takes a heroic effort to learn new tools, to risk trying them out, and to make them work. But the payoff is huge when the heroic effort is made.

Heroic Talk Tools include learning to identify three major Talk Styles -- Aggressive, Passive-Aggressive, and Assertive Communication. Avoiding the first two and becoming skilled and comfortable with the third -- assertive communication -- is fundamental to intimate communication and relationship maintenance.

To avoid aggressive behavior, you will learn about specific toxic trigger words, why they are toxic, and how to avoid them. These include words such as you, should, always, never, just and only. When you substitute more assertive Talk Tools, clarity and comfort increase dramatically.

Additional Talk Tools are included. These include how to take an effective Time Out. Also, Magic Mirroring is taught to help couples really hear each other and get emotionally close.

You will learn to become aware of your "emotional layers" and how anger is almost always a cover for fear or hurt. You will learn how to manage the "cast of characters" within that take over from time to time and create havoc. You will also learn how to make an Olympic Apology, one that really works to clear things up and heal the hurt.

Mastering Heroic Talk Tools requires habit change; therefore, this video needs to be watched several times in order for the learning to "stick." When both partners watch it together and actively use Talk Tools, truly magic change can occur, even in seemingly impossible situations.

This video is part of the Family Tools series developed by Dr. Jerry and Deborah Meints of Village Counseling in Palm Desert, California.

© Copyright 2004 Purpose Media and Family Tools. No unauthorized duplication without written consent.